CollegeBound: A Homestuck AU
by Everywaybutone
Summary: When Karkat Vantas gets into the University of his dreams, he figures it'll all be smooth sailing from here. That is, until he meets his roommate, the insufferable, well-to-do Eridan Ampora. Rated M for sexual content later on.
1. Day One

"Okay you can fucking stop here." Karkat said, not so nicely, to the driver of the Taxi he was in. Serves the bastard right for charging a dollar for every tenth of a mile, he thought. He pulled out a 20 and handed it to the driver, getting out of the car with his luggage.

His eyes drifted to the structure in front of him, and a rare smile took shape on his face as he took it all in. Boston University. He was really fucking there.

It had certainly been a god damned struggle though, from keeping his grades high enough to get accepted, to paying the ridiculous fucking cost of tuition. The cost of airfare to even show up was a god damned joke, but he'd managed to make all of this happen.

Karkat paced into the building, a large banner reading "WELCOME FRESHMEN" immediately catching his eye. It was splayed over a desk labeled "Information". He walked over, dragging his bags behind him. Damned things weighed almost 40 pounds. A woman who seemed to be just a few years older than him smiled at him from behind the desk.

"Hi, Name please?" She asked, cordially.

"Karkat Vantas." He said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her perky demeanor.

"That's a cod name." The woman said, giggling.

"Yeah it's – Wait did you just say _cod_?" he asked.

She never got the chance to respond because at that moment, a man, who Karkat could only describe as a douchey hipster, came up and put his arm around her, much to the woman's dismay.

"Hey Cuttlefish." The man said in a thick Boston accent. When she didn't respond, he added "Get it, because Cuttle sounds almost like Cute?"

"_Yes_, I get it Eridan." She groaned, shrugging out of his hold.

"Aww, come on Fef, don't be so cold. I'm using fish puns and everything!"

Karkat stared at Eridan, disgust written all over his face.

Not only did this guy try too hard in the way he talked, but he also did it in the way he looked. He had dark brown, almost black hair with a purple streak running through his blown-out-yet-slicked-back bangs and was wearing a black shirt with the words "U MAD BRO" written simply on it. As if to add insult to injury, he was wearing the grossest scarf that Karkat had ever seen.

His pants were a whole different fucking catastrophe that he wasn't going to get into.

After a few moments of bickering with the woman, Eridan noticed the look Karkat was giving him.  
"Got somethin' to say?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at him. The look on his face made it obvious that he thought the other were the scum of the earth, or at least something close to it.

"You're the biggest douchebag I've ever had the fucking displeasure to lay eyes on. Tell me, how many discount cards do you have to urban outfitters? I'd guess somewhere between 100 and un-fucking-necessary." Karkat said point blankly.

"Who the hell do ya think ya are?" Eridan said, gritting his teeth.

"He's your new roommate." The woman interjected.

Yells of "What?" and "Are you fucking kidding me?" erupted from both of the men.  
The woman stared down at the desk, reading some kind of agenda before looking up at them.

"Nope, says it right here. Karkat Vantas and Eridan Ampora, Dorm Zone 10 by the Boston Harbor, floor 4, room 413." She said, before a small smile drifted on to her face.  
"It sure won't be boring, will it?"


	2. Day One, Part Two

Karkat stomped off as Eridan complained to the woman at the desk. He caught something briefly about how Eridan "already had a roommate from last year" and "A sophomore shouldn't be paired with a loser and much less, a freshman". Whatever, He didn't fucking care about that fucker's problems.

It took him a whole fucking hour to get across town with his huge bag. Never having used any kind of subway system in his entire life until today didn't fucking help either.

Once he finally got to the room, he fumbled with the keys he'd been mailed before the damned school year even started. As he shoved them in the door, he wondered why the fuck they'd mail home keys but not actually tell you the fucking dorm room number. Usually Colleges told you who your roommate was too, but there'd been a whole fucking mix up with him, of course, because there were barely any rooms left. He pushed the thought from his head as he got the door open and dragged his luggage inside.

He looked around the room. Beige paint-covered-walls were hidden behind posters of "hipster" bands and Marilyn Monroe quotes. There were two beds across the room from each other, a window between them on the far wall with a mini-fridge shoved in the corner, and dark furniture around the room. A door by the unoccupied bed led to the bathroom. His eyes drifted to his roommate's bed which was covered in a ridiculous amount of pillows, all shaped like fucking marine animals, and clad with purple and black sheets. God. It was almost as tacky and fucking disgusting as his roommate.

He dragged his suitcase over to his bed and sat down, unzipping the fucking thing and beginning to unpack, organizing everything into neat piles.

After a quiet and peaceful fifteen minutes, the door slammed open. Karkat groaned but continued to unpack, hoping the fucking asshole would stay quiet.

"Oh, you're already here." Eridan sneered, his accent even more pronounced than it had been before. He threw his key's lazily on the out-table that was by the door and kicked off his shoes as loudly as he possibly could, before pacing over to his own bed and sitting down on it.

Karkat was sure he was making this much god damned noise on purpose. Everything his roommate fucking _did_ grated on his god damned nerves. He decided to ignore the fucking piece of shit and continued to unpack.

"Hey, I'm _talkin'_ to ya, ya know." Eridan said, impatiently.

"Fuck off, douche prince." Karkat grumbled, not even bothering to look up at him.

"No need to be rude," Eridan snorted, crossing his arms over his blazer, v-neck 'U MAD' shirt, and ratty striped scarf. "I'll have you know you're roomin' with a member of one of the longest and most prestigious families in this country! I could buy you out of my room if I wanted to."

"Then why don't you," Karkat grunted, half to himself. "It'd be a fuck ton better than being forced to wake up in the same fucking room as_ you_ every fucking day."

He finished up stacking his shirts and moved on to his pairs of jeans, thinking about where the fuck these things were going to go.

Eridan didn't answer immediately, for one reason or another. Karkat wasn't complaining, after all, something he said had made his roomie shut the hell up, and he considered that a fucking accomplishment.

"Can you please let me know, Mr. Prestigious-fucking-Family, where I can put my fucking clothes?"

Snapping out of his momentary silence, Eridan only scoffed and kept his seat on his bed.

"Well", he started, thinking it over, "The whole closet's taken, and so are my drawers, but there should be a pull-out drawer for you under your bed."

He pointed to the said pull out drawer.

"Honestly though, how can you come to college without _furniture_?" He snorted.

Karkat gritted his teeth.

"Shut the fuck up about my fucking furniture situation. As if you can fucking talk, asshole! Like, Are you even fucking serious? Not only your fucking closet but all of your fucking drawers are full? How many pairs of fucking skinny jeans and shitty hipster v-necks does one god damned shit face need?"

Eridan crossed his arms, apparently offended by this comment.

"Excuse you, say what you want about what I wear but I am the height of college fashion!" he exclaimed.

"More like the height of fucking gay." Karkat mumbled under his breath, smirking.

"What was that?" Eridan snapped, his voice suddenly hardening in annoyance.

"If you hadn't noticed, I _have_ a girlfriend, so your petty little insult is void!" he said, but not without adding a snarky "Ha!" after the fact.

Karkat rolled his eyes and snorted, and looked over at him.

"Yeah who then, that woman who you practically fucking assaulted back there, is she your girlfriend?"

Eridan froze, rage paralyzing him.

"Excuse you she _is_ my girlfriend! She just doesn't know it yet!"

"What the ass-kissing fuck do you _mean_ 'she doesn't know it yet'?" Karkat laughed.

Eridan twitched, furious, and tightened his grip on his drink. Karkat went on.

"You can't be in a fucking relationship with someone who doesn't know it! That's so fucking pathe—"

"Shut up!" Eridan interrupted him. "We've been best friends for years, me an' her! Yeah, she an' I may have drifted apart as we got older, but I'll have you know that we're still together! I just… I just have to ask her!"

"Jesus fucking Christ. My God have mercy on her poor fucking soul." Karkat said, stowing a pile of his belonging in the drawers underneath his bed resentfully because Douchey McFly couldn't save him any god damned space anywhere else. He couldn't fucking believe he was going to have to _live_ with this rampant piece of shit for the next three years. He'd have to be sure to find the person who was in control of the dormitories and nail them to a fucking dart board.

Giving only a "hmph" in response, Eridan rose to his feet and walked over to the door, opening it.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Karkat asked.

"Downtown." Eridan replied curtly, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him, leaving Karkat alone in the room.


	3. Day Three

Two days had passed without incident, Karkat and Eridan having carefully avoided each other during daylight hours. The sleeping situation couldn't be helped, however, pissing both of them off royally. Karkat had managed to figure out the basics of the subway system since he couldn't return back to his room with his piece of shit roommate inhabiting it. He'd figured out there was only one train between his dorm and the university, which was a relief. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle transferring lines or any bullshit like that just yet. Boston was a pretty god damned interesting city when it comes down to it, he had caught himself thinking on more than one occasion.

However, by his third day of living there, Karkat's good opinion about the city had faded considerably. Mostly because everywhere he went, he was reminded of that stupid fucking prick of a roommate of his, his accent the same as everyone else's in this fucking city.

Lucky for him, he wouldn't have anything to do with the city today. It was finally the first day of classes, Biology, the one he intended to base his future career around, being the first one on the schedule.

He'd set his alarm for 6:30 AM, and much to his surprise, Eridan had as well. As he got up and lugged himself into the shower, Karkat wondered groggily where the hell _he_ was going. He figured it was some class related to fashion and with that, completely stopped thinking about it.

As he stepped out of the shower, he found his roomie occupying the bathroom sink, as if it were a vanity, tweezing his eyebrows. Too tired to question it, Karkat trudged over and knocked him out of the way. He needed to shave; after all, he didn't want to go to the most important class of his life looking like a fucking slob.

"Move it, beauty queen." Karkat said gruffly, extracting the shaving cream from the medicine cabinet.

Eridan scoffed in disbelief, and knocked him back, causing the razor to nick at his face, tearing the skin.  
"God _fucking_ damn it!" Karkat yelled, shoving him.

"Watch it!" Eridan cried, pushing him back.

Both of the men stood facing each other, now fully awake, tension filling the air. After a minute of silence, they both turned away, disgusted with the other.  
"Just keep you and your shitty fucking tweezers out of my way." Karkat said sharply.

"Whatever." Eridan said, walking out of the bathroom.

He presumably gathered his things and left. Karkat didn't know, and as long as that fucking prick wasn't in his space, he didn't care. After another hour, he headed out himself, hopping on the appropriate train and getting to the university five minutes early.

As he entered the classroom, he noticed how big it was. The room was easily three times the size of any of the ones he was in back home. Not only that, but almost every seat was filled. Where he was from, Wells, Maine, was by no means a small town, but the amount of students in his high school classes there didn't even compare to the number there was here. For a moment he felt overwhelmed by this discovery. He grabbed the nearest open chair and sat down, focusing on getting his laptop out of his bag.  
At that moment, a group of people walked in, Karkat paying them no mind until he heard the cocky, pronounced voice of his roommate echo from behind him. He turned slightly, just to make sure it was really him, cursing silently when his suspicions were confirmed. What the hell was _he_ doing here?  
"And I was like, _Excuse me_, do you _know_ who I _am?_" Eridan said, laughing, the group following him laughing as well.  
"Fricken' Plebeians," He snorted. "Am I right?"

All but one of them took their seats, interestingly enough, because they ran out of space. Karkat briefly wondered if that was done on purpose before he realized that Eridan was the one who was left standing.

"Hey, make some room guys!" He whined, only to be interrupted by the professor waltzing in, commanding everyone to take a seat. Karkat smirked, knowing that Eridan would have to sit with someone he didn't oh god he was coming this way. Quickly, Karkat surveyed the area. There was only one seat left in the entire classroom, and it was right next to him.

As Eridan paced over, it apparently dawned on him who he was going to be forced to sit next to. He narrowed his eyes.

"Oh god." He said. His friend's chortles could be heard from across the room.

"Yeah you're no fucking walk in the park either, asshole." Karkat grumbled.

"Quiet everyone!" The professor started, having just waltzed in, an immediate hush falling over the crowd.

"I'll skip the speech that the board expects me to read to you and get straight to the point. I'm Professor Oakley. You all have individual reasons for being here, and you all understand that at this point, your lives will depend on how well you do in college." He explained, "I expect all of you to be serious. You are no longer in high school. If you talk while I'm talking I will simply kick you from the lesson. Understood?"

The class murmured "Okay" before looking back to Oakley, waiting for further instructions.

"My tests are hard and rigorous, but I expect that within a few months, you'll get the hang of it. If not, then I advise you quit while you're ahead." He said, proceeding to go on a several minute long tangent about the importance of grades and how we have to be prepared for anything.

"And these will be your seats for the rest of the time you spend in this course." He finished, earning a few whispers of approval among the students.

Both Karkat and Eridan groaned audibly, scooting as far away from each other as possible.

This was going to be a long year.


	4. Week One

Things continued to go downhill over the next week for Karkat. So much so that by the time the weekend came around, he didn't even have the energy to escape his room and the awful fucking douchebag who resided in it.

He never wanted to go back to his room during the week and be forced to hang around with the possibility of Eridan showing up, so he'd spent as much time as he could out of the room after he finished his classes. Usually, he resorted to figuring out how the god damned subway system worked, with no avail. It wasn't exactly like he hated exploring the city or anything; it's just that once he'd be out, he'd find every possible excuse not to go back to the dorm, resulting in him coming back at all hours of the fucking night.

The rest of his courses had started the day after his Biology class did, each one having to do with science. They were all overwhelmingly hard, and that wasn't mentioning the copious amounts fucking amounts of homework he had to do for each. He found himself regretting the decision to go for a degree in science in the first place. Although, out of everything, the worst fucking class of all was Biology. It wasn't because of the work, although he was struggling with that. No, it was because of his stupid fucking assigned seat; the stupid fucking seat which he couldn't change.

Eridan had made sure to make that single hour of his life a living hell, as if just having to live with the fucker wasn't enough. Every time Karkat would raise his hand to answer a question, every single god damned time, Eridan would call it out. It didn't help that the fucking prick was disgustingly good at the subject either, while he himself was already flunking after only five days of class.

As the clock by his bed struck noon, Karkat turned over in bed, completely unwilling to get up. He had no class today and by fucking god he was going to sleep in. As he tried to grasp at the fading dark of sleep, he remembered his usual pessimistic feelings of failure and negativity and how they were amplified ten-fold in the past week. He sighed, dreading the remaining ten weeks of this term. Eridan, having detected that Karkat wasn't asleep, walked over to his bedside and loomed over him.

"Hey Karkat," He started, the pretentious smirk that was surely on his face oozing into his voice.

"What the fuck do you want, asshole?" Karkat retorted, not even bothering to open his eyes.

"So when are ya plannin' on clearin' out?" Eridan asked, pulling a chair right up to his roommate's bed. "'Cause I got people comin' over and I don't want them seein' you around. I got a reputation to keep up."

"Suck my dick." Karkat retorted, pulling the covers up and over his head.

"Was that a come on?" Eridan asked, some deranged sense of hope in his voice.

A moment of silence lingered about the room before Karkat groaned and tossed the covers off, retrieving some clothes from his drawer and getting changed. He didn't feel like leaving, but he'd rather be anywhere but fucking here if there was a promise of more than one pompous douchebag being in the near vicinity.

"You're a peach." Eridan said.

Karkat flipped him off as he exited the room.

After milling about for a half hour, he decided to go to the bookstore. He figured maybe he could find something to help him in his Biology class. It took him an hour to get there due to taking every other god damned subway train except the one he needed. It wasn't like he had a Smartphone or some shit like that. And even if he did, he wouldn't be able to Google it without paying for the cost of using the internet. The cost of fucking _living_ was too god damned expensive for him.

Karkat breathed a sigh of relief when he finally arrived. He walked in and wandered over to the "EDUCATION" section of the store, skimming the selection for anything he could find about Biology. After he'd found one that seemed suitable and sat down on the floor, beginning to read it.

Suddenly a crack of loud thunder could be heard from outside. Karkat rose to his feet and paced to the front of the store, looking out the windows. It had begun to rain. Make that downpour. There was no way he could go anywhere else in this weather, especially without a fucking umbrella.

"Sure is coming down out there." A kind, high voice interjected, scaring the ever living shit out of him.

Karkat turned, finding the source of the voice. The woman from his first day was standing before him.

"Uh, yeah", he said, cursing inwardly. He'd never had much of a way with words.

"I love the rain." The woman said, smiling as she stared out the windows.

Karkat stared at her. Now that he could get a good look at her, he noticed that her skin was tanned, dark freckles coating her face and arms. She was surprisingly shorter than he was, which wasn't very tall at all. She was actually a really pretty girl, which was why he wasn't sure why she was talking to him of all people.

She looked to him before giving a soft "Oh!" and extending a hand.

"I never got to introduce myself. My name is Feferi. Feferi Peixes." She said.

Karkat shook her hand.

Damn, she was polite. He wasn't used to being treated with respect.

"I'm Karkat, but I think you know that." He said, trying his best not to let any curses slip. If someone was going to the effort to be nice to him, then he better fucking return the favor.

Feferi smiled and glanced back at the window.

"Well, there's no use just standing around, is there." She said, looking back to him and motioning to the nearest table. "Would you like to sit with me while we wait it out?"

Karkat nodded after a moment, despite his suspicions about why she would ask. After all, when a pretty girl asks you to sit with her, you can't exactly say no. They sat down at the table across from each other. For a few seconds, he wondered what he could possibly talk about with her.

"So how's living with Eridan?" Feferi asked, breaking the silence first.

Karkat's demeanor soured. So _that's _what this was about.

"Fucking awful." He said, feeling no need to censor himself anymore. If she wanted to hear what he thought about his god damned roommate, then she would fucking hear it.

Feferi furrowed her thick eyebrows. "I'm sorry to hear that." She said.

Another crack of thunder boomed overhead.

"Is there any way I could change rooms?" Karkat asked after a moment, confused yet somehow softened by the expression on her face.

"No, everything's all filled up for at least another three months." Feferi said.

Karkat groaned, putting his head down on the table.

Fucking great. Three months minimum stuck with that fucking asshole.

She gave an apologetic smile.

"He's really not as bad as he pretends to be." She said.

He looked up at her and laughed bitterly. "Says the girl who he thinks he's dating."

Feferi's smile wavered before she continued.

"Okay, other than that he's not that bad. Trust me; I've known him since he was five years old. He only acts the way he does to be cool or something. Truthfully he's really nice, just ridiculously insecure. Eridan's a considerably good guy." She said.

Karkat stared at her incredulously. He couldn't picture that pompous piece of shit of a roommate being 'nice' or 'insecure', much less a 'considerably good guy'.

"Are we talking about the same person here?" he asked.

Feferi laughed genuinely. "Just give him a little more time. I promise he'll get better, at least, to you anyway." She said.

She looked to the window again.

"It's nearly stopped raining." She said, rising from her chair. "Here, let me give you a ride home."

"No it's okay." Karkat started, stunned by the offer. She just barely knew him and here she was, offering him a ride.

"Don't be silly!" Feferi said, smiling at him. "It'd be my pleasure."

And with that, Karkat had successfully formed his first friendship in Boston.


	5. Week Two

Feferi had proven to be a surprisingly good friend to Karkat over the next few days. He didn't know why she'd even want to associate with him, but hell, he wasn't complaining. She'd offered him rides to and from school as well as showed him around the city whenever she was free.

She had even found him a job at a nearby coffee shop. It wasn't Karkat's ideal place to work in, but he'd fucking take it. After all, he was practically working his way through college; it wasn't like he could particularly complain where he was working at. As long as it earned him something, it was good enough for him.

Karkat had gotten his first pay check that Friday. One hundred and Sixty Dollars. In the long run, that was nothing, but right now, it was worth the world to him. He'd cashed it immediately and bought as much canned food as he could, staying within budget of course.

It was the first time he had bought food for himself since coming to Boston. He'd mostly been living off of small servings of things brought from home as well as any leftovers Eridan kept in the mini-fridge. As much as he hated sharing anything with his roommate, sometimes he couldn't help himself; keeping himself restricted to such a fucking small amount of food a day was near impossible.

He'd made sure to get change after buying up as many nonperishable foods as he could. There was something important he'd been meaning to do since the first day he got here.

Karkat found the nearest pay phone and inserted as many quarters as he could find into the coin slot, beginning to dial the oh-so-familiar number. Please be home, please be fucking home, he thought to himself.

Finally, someone picked up.

"Hello?" A gruff male voice barked into the phone.

"Hey Dad", Karkat answered after a moment.

There was a pause before his father responded.

"It's about time, kid." He said, his voice softer than before.

"Sorry", Karkat offered after a moment of hesitation.

It wasn't that he didn't want to call. That wasn't it at all. Karkat loved his father very much, he just didn't want to call him when he himself was in such a shitty fucking mood, which these days, was pretty damned often. Also, he hadn't had enough spare change…

"How's college so far?" His father asked, a caring nature to his voice.  
"It's", Karkat started. He couldn't tell him that it was 'too hard'. He was paying so much for him to be here. That just wasn't a god damned answer.

"It's different."

A laugh was heard over the other line.  
"You don't say? I guess it's a good thing I never went."  
Karkat sighed in relief. His father wasn't mad at him for not calling.  
"Yeah well, you didn't need to. You do a pretty god damned good job being a Fisherman."

"Fishing ain't nothing like going to college for science, kiddo." His father said, his smile audible in his voice.  
"What did you plan on majoring in again? All the guys down at the bar wanna know the specifics."

"Biochemistry and Molecular Biology", Karkat said

"Right, right." His father started, before snorting over the line.

"What?" Karkat asked, raising an eyebrow even though his father couldn't see him.

"So are you just going to retire that little name you had for me now that you're a college boy?"

"Oh god Dad _please._"

"Oh come on, I love being called Crabdad!"

Karkat groaned and his father laughed.

"I was five years old when I called you that!" Karkat yelled, earning a few bewildered stares from passers-by.

"Yeah and it stuck." His father retorted.

Usually, he'd call anyone who mocked him a fucking moron and tell them to screw themselves, but not his dad. Never him.

He waited for his dad to calm down before speaking.

"Fine, whatever, Crabdad." He said, begrudgingly

"You know I could've driven you. On your first day I mean." Crabdad said after a moment.

"No, you shouldn't have to take off work for me." Karkat said, gnawing on one of his fingernails as he spoke.

"Nonsense", His father responded, "But, I respect your wishes to be independent and all that shit. I remember after I graduated high school I ran for the hills."

Karkat gave a dry sort of laugh.

"I can still transfer to a cheaper college." He said after a moment.

"Don't be stupid, as if you could. Jesus Christ, you're majoring in Micro-science or whatever the hell it is. You should get the best education you can, Karkat." Crabdad said.

"But it's so god damned expensive, Dad! You have to be fucking realistic!" Karkat said, earning a few more stares.

"We've had this conversation before. It's okay. Don't worry about the money. I'll take care of it." His father responded without a second thought.

Karkat sighed and rubbed his temples; he could never fucking win.

"I'm real proud of you, son. You deserve the best education you can find. It's not a problem." Crabdad said, no doubt smiling over the other line.

The edges of Karkat's lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. He gave a quick "yeah" in response.

"And none of this 'I'll call you when I can' bullshit. I expect a call at least once a week. Make it happen." His father said.

"I will, Dad." Karkat said, "I promise."

"I love you, kiddo. Take care." Crabdad said, hanging up the phone before his son could respond.

Karkat stared at the payphone for a few seconds blankly before a smile gradually took shape on his face. He had no idea how long he was standing there like a fucking idiot. He was finally snapped out of it by a woman tapping his shoulder impatiently.

"I don't _have_ all day." She said, crossing her arms as he turned his attention to her.

"Yeah, Yeah, don't get your fucking panties in a knot, lady." Karkat said, handing her the receiver and walking away before she could retort.

As his mind clouded over with his usual worries, his insufferable god damned roommate being one of them, he headed back to the dorm, his usual attitude taking hold once more.


	6. Week Four

"So I noticed ya been hangin' out with Fef."

The question caught Karkat off guard. He hadn't spoken so much as two words to Eridan in weeks. Sure, he'd found subtle ways to grate on Karkat's nerves, but they hadn't actually spoken to each other.

"Yeah I guess." He answered curtly, not looking up from his books. He'd been studying like crazy for every class, biology being the most challenging for him personally. He didn't have the fucking time or capacity to deal with shit-for-brains at the moment.

"I don't like it." Eridan said.

Karkat snorted in response, flipping the page in his book.

"I don't have time for your shit, assmunch."

"Well just remember, she's mine." Eridan said, annoyance clear in his voice.

"Give it a fucking break." Karkat groaned. He couldn't believe this dipshit. Not only was he getting the wrong fucking idea about him and Feferi, but he was still sporting the idea of being in some sort of relationship with her. As if Eridan of all people could even get into a relationship with _anyone_, much less Feferi. He'd pay money to see that fucking happen.

"Don't tell me to give it a fuckin' break; I can do whatever I want!" Eridan whined, angrily.

"Oh my god, what are you, five?" Karkat retorted.

Eridan really knew no bounds on how to royally piss him the fuck off. How the fuck could he act like he owned Feferi when she was so _obviously_ not into him? How could he pretend to be in a relationship with someone who didn't even want to be in the same 25 foot radius as him?

What a god damned prick.

"Jesus you're fucking pathetic."

Eridan rose to his feet. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"I said that you are _pathetic._" Karkat said, drawing out every syllable of the word. He wanted to drive this bastard up a fucking wall.

Eridan's face contorted into a scowl.

"Fuck you!"

"Wow that's original. What, did you think that oh-so-fucking-creative burn up yourself or did your mommy help you with it?"

Eridan gritted his teeth and opened his mouth to say something, before apparently changing his mind.

"You don't know nothin' about me an' her!"

"Back to that? Okay, you blithering feculent shithole. I know that you're not in a fucking relationship. _Everyone_ knows you two aren't in a fucking relationship." Karkat sneered, finally looking up at him. His eyes bore into his roommate's, blatant distaste and rage showing through them. God did he hate him.

"You don't know jack shit! No one knows anythin' 'bout me an' her!" Eridan said, his temper flaring.

"Oh shut the fuck up, you hipster douchebag."

Talking to this asshole for more than five seconds surely had to be detrimental to his health. Maybe it caused his brain cells to commit mass suicide. That was probably it.

"I'll have you know that there is nothing wrong with being a 'hipster'!" Eridan fumed, crossing his arms and sticking his nose up.

"We've had this shitty fucking excuse for a conversation before. I said it was gay and you left the fucking building." Karkat said, making a visible effort to roll his eyes at him.

"Well it's not even like it fuckin' matters. Point is me an' Fef are an item." Eridan said, narrowing his eyes.

He really fucking pissed Karkat off.

"Prove it, I fucking dare you." Karkat said, gritting his teeth.

"Whaddaya' mean prove it?" Eridan answered, his curiosity peaked despite his animosity.

"You heard me. Fucking Prove it. Confess to her. If you're an item then it shouldn't make a fucking difference." Karkat snapped.

Eridan considered this and began to look uncomfortable.

"W-Well—" he started, only to be cut off by Karkat.

"What," he said, smirking, "can't do it? I knew you were all fucking talk."

"Fine! I'll confess to her an' prove ya wrong!" Eridan cut in before Karkat could say any more.

Karkat nodded.

"Good. I can't fucking wait."

Revenge was going to be sweet.

* * *

****A/N: I'm so sorry for the late upload. With school ending things have been hectic but I'll try to make a schedule and keep to it. Thanks to everyone who's been so patient!****


	7. Week Four, Part Two

Karkat's books fell to the ground with a soft thud. Eridan had pushed them off the countertop of the shared desk for the third time now, not unlike the god damned toddler he was_. _It was 8:50 in the morning and Biology had started twenty minutes prior to this shocking development.

Oh. And the bet was still on.

Every so often, he noticed Eridan peaking out of the corner of his eye to check on Feferi, who was dutifully paying attention to the professor. She was probably the only person in the entire fucking room who was.

Whatever. It didn't matter anyway. The point was, Karkat had Eridan right where he wanted him. The douchebag would have to confront his 'girlfriend' about their non-existent 'relationship'.

And he would no doubt be turned down.

It was worth all of his textbooks being ruined by the fucking douchebag.

It was completely fucking worth it because Eridan was going to get what was damned well coming to him.

The rest of the class passed by at an agonizingly slowly rate. Karkat swore a few times that if he had to sit next to this asshole for any longer, he might actually storm out. What a fucking hero. In his headworld, the rest of the class gives him a standing ovation and then commits mass suicide.

By the time it ended, he was so fucking sick of being in Eridan's presence that he didn't even stay to see how he'd confront Feferi.

That and he also had to pick up a shift at the café he was working at. His café job never stopped being a thing that existed or anything.

Besides that, the whole ordeal was still going to happen whether or not he was there to witness it, and that was enough for him.

* * *

Karkat made his way across town in less than 15 minutes. He sucked at maneuvering public transit, but he'd been pretty fucking serious about finding a route to his job. He needed the money and he was not going to take that shit for granted.

Karkat punched in and cycled through the usual, mind numbing routine. Work the register, don't yell at customers too often, get orders to said customers in less than five minutes, deal with the freaky yet attractive coworker who had some fascination with corpses, blah, blah, blah. Just an average god damned day at Amour café.

Or at least, it was until Douchebag Extraordinaire and His Date waltzed in and sat down at around noon.

Karkat rubbed his eyes in disbelief. There was no fucking way that that could be them. After all Eridan wouldn't settle for a shitty place like this and _oh my god it was really them what the fuck were they doing here._

He ducked down beneath the counter, only his eyes and the top of his head visible. He had no idea _why_ the fuck he decided to do that, but as soon as he did, there was no turning back.

"Karkat what are you"—His coworker began to ask.

"Cover me, Megido, it's important." He whispered, giving a wide eyed glance her way.

She raised an eyebrow but nodded and gave an "Okay" before going back to work.

He was in it for the god damned long haul now and, lucky fucking him, he was within listening range of Eridan and Feferi.

"Listen Fef, there's a reason why I asked you to come here." Eridan said, watching her carefully. Feferi was sitting elegantly in her chair, gripping her tea in her hands. A small, tired smile had planted itself on her lips.

"What's the big news, is it something exciting?" She asked.

"Well", he started, a hopeful look passing over his face.

Karkat watched them closely in horror and fascination. Eridan was actually going to do this.

"I was thinkin'," Eridan continued, "About us."

Feferi's smile faltered. "What is it?" She asked, her tone less enthusiastic.

Eridan opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it and took a sip of his own drink. It was obvious that he was delaying it.

Feferi looked at him, her usual patience absent. "What, Eridan." She said, her voice taking a stronger tone.

"Fef, I… We've known each other for a long time now, haven't we?" He said.

Feferi nodded, waiting for him to go on.

"An' bein' childhood friends an' all, I figure we know each other pretty well." He said, meeting her eyes.

"Oh Eridan, is this going to be another one of your melodramatic escapades?" she asked, raising an eyebrow quizzically at him. "Because I don't know how many times I can reassure you that I haven't been avoiding you, I've just been busy."

"No, no, it's not that. Although you could stand to call me more often an'—" He pointed out, only to be interrupted by her.

"Eridan."

"Yeah, right, sorry. What I'm tryin' to say is we should, you know, go out or somethin'." He mumbled, his voice turning to a mere whisper by the end of the phrase.

"I'm sorry could you say that again? I didn't catch it." Feferi asked, adding in what could arguably be a fish pun.

"I said 'will you go out with me'?" He replied, loud enough to attract the stares from some people close by.

Feferi stared at him. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it, as if she were still considering what to say.

Eridan apparently took this as a cue to start babbling like a fucking moron.

"Because, you see Fef, I figure that we're made for each other on a count a the fact that we grew up together an' all that noise. An' that's not even mentionin' the fact that we're of the same social standin'."

"Well, Eridan, just because we both have money doesn't mean"— Feferi started, only to be cut off by him.

"An', I mean, we totally relate to each other on our problems an' shit like who else would understand about unwanted familial gatherin's an' awkward parental meetin's no one that's who."

"Yeah but the thing with that is"— and again.

"Also, like, you probably won't find anyone else like me an' I'm includin' the whole world here. I'm a pretty one of a kind guy, you know. I'd treat you better than any loser would; I know that for a fact."

"Have you ever actually even _been _in a relationship before?—"

"A course I have! But that's not the point Fef.—"

"Then what _is, _Eridan!" Feferi exclaimed, successfully stopping him. Damn did she look mad.

"W-Well…" Eridan said, twiddling his thumbs in a nervous gesture, "Point is I really like you an' I think we'd be a good match."

Feferi took a breath before speaking.

"Eridan I don't…" She started, trailing off.

She seemed to be at a loss for words. She put her drink down and rubbed her temples, giving an exasperated sigh.

At this point, the café had an echoing silence, everyone in the room having frozen as The 'No-Concept-of-Time-and-Place' twins' conversation got more and more out of control.

"I really don't know what to say." She offered, trying again, "But I just don't... I don't feel that way, Eridan. I mean I'm flattered and everything but I feel like you're just more of a brother to me."

Eridan looked at her, his eyes wide. "But Fef—"

"_No_." she said sharply, cutting him off before he could ramble again. "It wouldn't work out between us and on top of that, I like someone else."

"You _what_?"

"You heard me, Eridan." Feferi said, crossing her arms. "What, is there something _wrong_ with that?"

"No but I just thought you and me…" Eridan said, trailing off.

"Well you thought wrong."

She took a sip of her drink as the silence settled in.

It was another moment before Eridan spoke.

"Is it, you know, _that_ guy?" He asked, peering out the window with narrowed eyes.

"I hardly think it's your business but yeah, it's exactly who you think it is." Feferi said, putting her drink down.

More silence.

"Why the bloody _fuck _would you like him?" he hissed, turning his gaze to her after a few moments.

"Eridan—" She warned.

He didn't listen.

"There's nothin' good about him! He's disgustin' an' nerdy, that's not even _mentionin'_ his awful fashion sense. His hair is greasy and he's thinner than _I _am. Also he's a fuckin' poor scumbag." He spat.

"_That's enough_." Feferi roared, scaring Eridan quiet.

She had finally reached the last straw.

"You don't know _anything_ about him! At all! He's nice and funny and he gives a shit about me, not my money or my social standing, but _me!_ I shouldn't even have to explain this to you; it's not your glubbing business!"

"Could you not use fish puns when you're dumpin' me?" He asked, meekly.

Whatever pride he had was crushed now.

"That's another thing, we were never together, Eridan! I honestly could never be with you. You want to know why?"

He didn't respond. He was smart enough to know that it was a rhetorical question.

"Because you're such a classist snob! Oh my _god_ I have never met _anyone_ more pig-headed than you. I am only going to say this once, so listen up Mr. Ampora. Being poor has _nothing_ to do with anything! It reflects nothing about a person! _We are no better than anyone else_!"

Eridan opened his mouth but then closed it.

There was nothing left to say.

"You know, I really miss the old you; the one that was my best friend." Feferi said after a moment, calming down and meeting his eyes. "I've been wondering for a long time if the person you are now is the same one as the one I used to know, and I think I just got my answer." Feferi said, rising to her feet.

"Call me if you think you'll ever be willing to be that person again because this," she said, looking him up and down, "this isn't him."

She picked up her things and gave him one last look before walking out.

After a minute, whispers echoed through the café.

Soon enough, it returned to its normal bustling state.

Karkat stood up, his eyes glued to Eridan.

He just sat there, looking as if he were about to cry. Somewhere in his deluded fucking head he must have known that she was going to say no, but there was no way he could have known this would happen.

Karkat actually felt kind of… bad.

Eridan turned his head after an immeasurable amount of time only to find his roommate, the one who'd made this happen, standing right there.

Big splotches of color formed on his pale face as it dawned on him that he'd seen the whole thing.

Eridan grabbed his things and dashed out the door at top speed, disappearing around the bend of the corner.

Karkat stared at the empty space where his roommate was just standing, wondering if it would have gone differently if he hadn't dared him.

He could only come to the conclusion that no.

The end result would still be the same.

And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.


	8. Week Five

He Loved her. He knew that he loved her and he still made him do it. You stupid piece of shit this is all your fault. These were just a few of the thoughts running through Karkat's head on this overcast Thursday morning.

Three days ago he had dared his roommate to confess to the girl he liked, which yeah, okay, is really not an outrageous thing to do (how is that not the most unoutrageous thing he could have made him do?) and of course the fucking idiot went and actually did it. What was even worse was the unwanted sum of guilt plaguing every fiber of Karkat's being.

It wasn't _his_ fault that Eridan was such a ridiculous pustule of annoyance. It wasn't _his _fault that Eridan's ego was the size of some bloated state like Montana or maybe even Texas. None of this was _his_ fault but god fucking damnit he still felt guilty.

Well _maybe_ that was because the cultivated shit-spore hadn't moved from his bed since that day. He hadn't gone to classes, he hadn't checked his phone, and hell, he probably hadn't even eaten.

Every time Karkat came back to the dorm, be it morning or night, Eridan was still laying pathetically under the covers. It was downright unlike him, at least from what Karkat had observed.

It was downright sickening. Sickening and depressing and _oh god_ _this really was his fault._

But he couldn't just walk up to him and apologize. Or could he? No. Definitely not. As if he'd even want to apologize anyway.

Eridan would definitely get over this. He'd get over it before Karkat even knew it and he'd be back to teasing him and making his life generally miserable.

When another day passed without any signs of life, Karkat's internal monologue reached its peak, every few minutes a guilty spell rushing over him. He had to do something. He definitely _had_ to do something because not only was this going to kill his roommate (what would he even do with the body), it was destroying _him_ and he could do that just fine on his own, thank you oh so fucking much.

It took him several hours of classes and work just to work out what he was going to say:

'Hey shithead, this is pathetic so move already oh by the way yeah this is totally my fault, I know what a fucknut I am thanks now stop being such a prick.'

It was perfect.

Karkat had gotten back to the dorm, completely gung ho to do this, he'd rehearsed it several times in his head.

"Hey." He said, dumping his books on his own bed before pacing over.

He received silence in response and snorted, walking over and sitting down at Eridan's bedside. This was considerably easy to do because Eridan's back was facing him.

He opened his mouth, completely ready to deliver his line, when he began to hesitate. Up close he could see how emaciated he was. He could see how he hadn't even changed his clothes since that day. Vaguely, he recalled some ancient character from a dusty old book that they had to read in school.

"Hey…" He murmured, the softest tone of voice he'd used at least since he had gotten to Boston, maybe even longer. He gently laid a hand on the bony shoulder displayed in front of him. Eridan recoiled from the touch, talking for the first time in what was probably a few days.

"_What."_

Karkat opened his mouth again, only to find himself speechless for once. His plan had failed completely and it hadn't even executed yet.

"Do you… I don't know, do you want to talk about it?" Karkat asked.

Seconds ticked by without an answer. Seconds soon turned to minutes.

He heaved a sigh, understanding the pointed disinterest. It was stupid of him to think that Eridan would say anything to him. He rose to his feet and was about to walk away when he felt slender fingers grab his wrist.

"Wait."

Eridan had turned over and was now glaring into his face.

"Why are you bein so nice, Vantas?"

"I don't know." He admitted, although it was most likely due to the guilt.

"A course you know." Eridan argued.

"I just fucking told you I don't know. Why don't you get the hell off of my back, Ampora." Karkat hissed.

"Wellso_rry." _Eridan said, rolling his eyes. "I mean you only spent your first month here hatin on me can you blame me if I think this is a little out a the blue."

"You started it you raving douche." Karkat said, sitting back down. His words carried no bite at this point. He was just relieved that the asshole was talking to him at all.

"For the record, it's painful watching you lay there day in and day out." He added.

"_I'm _the one who got his bleedin heart ripped out here." Eridan snorted. "That's _your_ fault you know."

"I know." Karkat admitted.

"A course it's—wait what?" Eridan replied.

"I said I know you ignorant mothball." Karkat grumbled.

Eridan paused before snickering.

"You gotta come up with better insults, Kar."

"Kar?" Karkat questioned.

"Yeah I have a thing for nicknames." Eridan shrugged.

Karkat stared at him for a moment before burying his head in his hands, a ghost of a smile tugging on his lips.

"What the fuck did I get myself into."


End file.
